Fifty Shades Freed

OK, I gave the first one 10 out of 10 stars...because I am easy and, honestly, the original didn't claim to be anything more than what it delivered. To me that earns all 10 stars.

Darker I gave 1 out of 10, because the plot line that it bills itself as following takes all of 5 minutes, gets resolved in the middle of the film, never comes up again, and has little sex (which is the reason why people see these things).

This one I am giving 1 of 10 stars.

There is actually less sex than in the sequel and far less than in the original...but look at the picture up here on IMDB, look at all the posters...it was marketed as a film about sex and there really wasn't that much. You see more in a single episode of an HBO series.

And the plot, again quoting IMDB:

"Anastasia and Christian get married, but Jack Hyde continues to threaten their relationship"

Like with Darker, that all happens in the blink of an eye. You sneeze and you'll miss the bulk of the plot. And the sex (the reason why people actually watch this film) doesn't even serve as filler.

So what you are left with is Anastasia and Christian sitting around, not having sex, trying to figure out how to fill the rest of the film. It's like watching linoleum curl on a hot day.

We aren't watching it for the plot anyway, just give us the cream filling we are actually buying the ticket for, otherwise give us an actual plot.

you gave us neither.

'Fifty Shades Freed' is the most boring of the trilogy, even if it probably is a tiny bit better than the original (no. 2 is minorly superior). I am embarrassed to admit that it gave me some goosebumps at the end, I'm such a simp for a montage, I'm afraid; Ellie Goulding's song helped, admittedly.

There isn't much to note about this, at least in terms of being unique from the two movies that proceeded - very much a copy-and-paste job. I still like Dakota Johnson and Jamie Dornan, without whom I'd likely be rating this film down in the depths alongside the presumed majority.

I did wonder, before and after seeing the first flick, how they managed to stretch this out across three productions. Having now seen them all, I can see they just barely managed to do so. This third release is pretty pointless, they've could've fit all this into a small chunk at the end of #2.

Crazy how these films made a billion at the box office. Turns out sex does indeed sell.